Today I miss my grandma so much. Dad was her only child, so she just had my sister and me. In other words, not so many grandchildren... When I was little, I didn't go to kindergarten or such; I just started regular first grade immediately, since I lived with my grandma instead of having anything else or someone else to look after me. She became like a mother more than a grandmother... And she became old, and she passed away at the age of 94.

At her funeral, they played "Jesu, joy of man's desiring" by JS Bach. It's famous and common to play for either funerals or weddings (depending on the place) for some reason!

I know this song. I made this little recording of me playing it on the piano for my beloved grandma.

October 30, 2025.

Woke up to an old song from childhood

While I many nights I just experience nightmares, this could be a sign of healing, because tonight I dreamt that I was singing for my younger sister and it was this old Swedish song I heard as a kid. It’s like slow-paced and a love song.

”The most beautiful things in the world is to be loved by you” and ”The most beautiful thing to me, is to hear you when you sleeping and are safe with me”. Words like that are a few of the lyrics, kind of roughly translated from Swedish to English.

I woke up right after 7:00AM, even though I normally struggle to wake up on time. And I had this song in my head. So I sat down by the piano and I figured out the melody by ear. And that was thirty minutes ago now. Now I’m sitting here in childlike wonder and thinking about how much music impacts us and how it can take us back to childhood. And sometimes a song from childhood can enter our present time in a dream and really calm our inner children.

My entire nervous system is calmer than it was when I fell asleep. I can see through the window that the morning is soon here and the light is on its way up, even here in our Nordic countries.

I’m listening to my piano song as well as the original song and crying. Tears are flowing down my cheeks. I don’t know why I feel this sentimental.

But I just wanted to share.

xx

Trix

(Original artist for this song is Swedish Cecilia Vennersten, released in 1995)